Edited and re -posted from 3/27/07.

Dear Blog,

I miss you. I think we should make an effort to spend more time together. We interact on a shallow level and haven't had a conversation of real depth in years. Can our relationship continue to survive on such paltry interaction? I want to recover the enthusiasm and passion we had in our first year together, and hope you do too.

In all honesty, I just don't know exactly what place you should have in my life anymore. It is the neverending battle of my inner artist vs. critic. Or maybe student vs. teacher? Creativity vs. productivity? P vs. J? E vs. I? Whatever it is, each side tends to intimidate the other so that both are rendered ineffective and I'm caught in a stalemate of busywork.

Honest and transparent discussion of my thoughts and life is what would be best for our relationship and probably my sanity, but I'm not convinced that is best for everyone else...There is more at stake here than just you and me, you see - my family, potential readers, and others who actually know me in real life. I need you, but I just feel like maybe others need me to not need you, and I'm not sure where the priority lies, so you see my predicament.

But I do miss you. And I hope we find time to continue this conversation later.

Seems like everybody all over blog world and facebook is making pumpkin treats of one kind of another! Well, me too. This is certainly not any special health recipe or anything. Josh suggested that they would be good with cream cheese frosting. I didn't end up frosting them, but with frosting they could probably pass for cupcakes. =)

Wish I had a photo to post, but taking pictures of food is not really my thing.

• 4 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 4 cups white sugar
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
• 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cloves
• 1 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1 teaspoon of pumpkin pie spice blend
  
• 6 eggs
• 1 (29 ounce) can pumpkin
• 1 cup unsweetened applesauce
• half bag of chocolate chips
  

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease three 12 cup muffin pans, or line with paper muffin liners (I used my silicone muffin pans which don't require greasing).
   
2. In a large bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, nutmeg, cinnamon, and ground cloves. In a separate bowl, mix the eggs, pumpkin, and applesauce, until smooth. Add this mixture to the dry ingredients and stir thoroughly to make a smooth batter. Add the chocolate chips. Spoon batter into the prepared muffin cups.
3. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes in the preheated oven, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

Mine is a slightly altered version of this.

Remember this post? Well, we're getting closer, but are not finished yet. Please pray for us that we will have assurance that we are in the right adoption program - as time progresses, we are just not convinced that the child God has for us is in Ethiopia. Pray that he gives us either full assurance we are heading in the right direction and a passion for this journey, or that he will make an alternate path open and obvious...

• Josh & Loraena's FBI Fingerprint Criminal Checks
• Josh & Loraena's Oregon Fingerprint Criminal Checks
• Josh & Loraena's City or County Criminal Checks
• Josh & Loraena's Child Abuse Checks (one for every state or country we have lived in for more than three weeks since we were 18 - for both of us that's SC, NC, IL, & OR)!
• Copy of Josh's Driver's License
• Copy of Loraena's Driver's License
• Copy of Marriage Certificate
• Proof of Life Insurance
• Proof of Auto Insurance
• Proof of Health Coverage
• Copy of Josh's Birth Certificate & SS card
• Copy of Loraena's Birth Certificate & SS card
• Copy of Eliana's Birth Certificate & SS card
• Copy of Eliana's Adopion Decree
• Photo of Family
• Eliana's medical
• Josh's medical
• Loraena's medical
• 9 various signed & notarized agency documents
  
• Financial Worksheet
  
• Bank Letter verifying account standings
• Josh's Personal Profile
  
• Loraena's Personal Profile
• Guardianship Statement
• Online adoption education class
  
• "With Eyes Wide Open" adoption education workbook (20 chapters total, 5 are complete)

• References
  

1. Reference from a Neighbor
2. Reference from a Co-worker
3. Reference from a Pastor
4. Reference from a Family Member
5. Reference from a Family Member
6. Reference from a Friend
   
   

Lately I have been DVRing a show for Ellie called "Ni Hao, Kai-Lan". She LOVES it and frequently asks if she can watch what she calls "Hi Keh-wan". I don't think she's substituting the Chinese "Ni hao" for the English "hi" - I think she just gets confused on where the different vowels and syllables go in the phrase. Anyway, various character names and Chinese phrases are becoming part of our household speech (not to be confused with the rudimentary Spanish she has learned from Dora)!

Part of tonight's dinner conversation went like this:

Ellie: "Mi hao."

Mommy: "Ni hao."

Ellie: "Mi hao, Keh-wan."

Mommy: "Kai-Lan isn't here. Ni hao, Ellie."

Ellie: "Mi hao, Keh-Mommy. Mi hao, Keh-Daddy".


If you've never seen "Ni Hao, Kai-Lan", watch this and you'll be hooked too. =)

This is a lengthy quote, but so, so good. Dr. Moore explains so clearly why as believers, our motivation to adopt is deeper than a desire for children (though in our case, that is certainly a big one). But THIS is what I need to be reminded of on the days being a mom is hard, and on days when there are things I would much rather do than work on home study paperwork.

These truths are what keep me going, and oh how I need them.

Adoption is, on the one hand, gospel. In this, adoption tells us who we are as children of the Father. Adoption as gospel tells us about our identity, our inheritance, and our mission as sons of God. Adoption is also identified as mission. In this, adoption tells us our purpose in this age as the people of Christ. Missional adoption spurs us to join Christ in advocating for the helpless and the abandoned.

As soon as you peer into the truth of the one aspect, you fall headlong into the truth of the other, and vice versa. That's because it's the way the gospel is. Jesus reconciles us to God and to each other. As we love God, we love our neighbor; as we love our neighbor, we love our God. We believe Jesus in heavenly things-- our adoption in Christ; so we follow him in earthly things-- the adoption of children. Without the theological aspect, the emphasis on adoption too easily is seen as mere charity. Without the missional aspect, the doctrine of adoption too easily is seen as mere metaphor.

But adoption is contested, both in its cosmic an missional aspects. The Scriptures tell us there are unseen beings in the air around us who would rather we not think about what it means to be who we are in Christ. These rulers of this age would rather we ignore both the eternal reality and the earthly icon of it. They would rather we find our identity, our inheritance, and our mission according to what we can see and verify as ours -- according to what the Bible calls "the flesh"- rather than according to the veiled rhythms of the Spirit of life. That's why adoption isn't charity -- it's war.

Taken from pages 17-18 of "Adopted for Life" by Russell D. Moore.

Just a bit of the cuteness Josh has posted to Twitter from his blackberry over the past couple of months...





Maestro Eliana after playing her "staw-beh-wy's cake" song.








in the midst of an "Oh No!"











reflections on a family












Chicken is her favorite













a perfect situation for use of one of her favorite phrases ("I stuck!).









"I dwibing."










"see ya"